Aja's Blog
-
How Do You Keep Faith...?
Ever get piled with horrible news,
then just lie in bed &
think about it in the middle of the day for hours
until you fall asleep for what feels like days,
like you're going to wake up &
notice that you've missed so much while you were gone,
but really you wake up 5 mintues later
feeling 20x worse than before?
I didn't think I'd feel like this. I didn't think I really could feel like this, or that I'd allow myself to get so involved; but I've brought it upon myself to try to take care of the ones I love.
It's never going to be that simple. There are always people getting in the way. The older I get & the more I learn, the less I trust. Even the people I put any ounce of trust into, I don't sign my life over to them in blood, because anything can change. At any given moment you may have to walk away from someone you have put years of trust into (I've had to learn that in the worst way before. I could do it again), & if you can accept it & move on, you're already winning & learning from the mistakes of your past.
Trusting is natural & good, but only if you are ready to lose things because of it.
My frame of thinking is getting exhausting. I think like this all the time, could you imagine?
& I'm no good at even writing it down, so this doesn't give me much relief. But anything helps.
Let me just say this: I want time to pass faster during dark times like this so I can have sunny days again. I want Sean out of jail, or I want to see him & make him believe that there is a lot of hope. I have to make myself believe that first so it's more convincing. A few hours ago that wasn't difficult at all; again, things change in a heartbeat. The better you can adapt, the stronger you'll be til the final outcome.
I'm sorry if I'm not making any sense, but when someone you care about is in danger like this, things can get a little out of wack.
-
ME TRENDY
Current mood:
You know the gist, post your name and shit and ill tell you what i think about you. <33
curious